Jambo Your Excellency, Karibu Kenya.
Like most of my countrymen, am equally excited that a sitting USA President, a son of Kenya is visiting my Motherland, the land of his Father. You are finally coming home to a heroes welcome. Well, I noticed Among your motorcade that were flown in prior to your arrival, there was a US Marines tanker. Well. Kenya is not at war your Excellency, President of most powerful country and son of Kogelo. You are only coming home again. Anyway, we still welcome you home. But there are some crybabies I need you to be wary of. The are called CORD triplets or we know them by country slang as 'Cordoo'. There's vitendawili guy, who's Barber wao, there's a watermelon and this guy who ate Tokyo Embassy money and just a few months ago, he was on newspaper headlines for stealing someone's wife(that is none of my business though). Anyway, that's not the reason why am writing you this, your Excellency. See, we welcome you as a Kenyan, and we would like you to be in our shoes on this concern:Most businesses will come to a standstill when you are finally home. The airports, Traffic on major roads within Nairobi and communication systems will be 'suspended'. Reason? You are around. So, on behalf of my fellow Kenyans, and noting you have Kenyan blood running in your veins, kindly let us enjoy at least the latter; communication. In the spirit of brotherhood. Yes I know you can. Let the CCK authorities hear it from you that yo brothers need communication. Well, Flights and vehicles are not my thing yet. They are luxuries. But i own a smartphone and being in the dark especially off Internet during those days you'll be around will be equal to being locked down a hole/cage not knowing what's happening outside. You feel me, right. Well. I also heard you'll speak to thousands of Kenyans at Kasarani stadium or so. If that's true, Kiambu County is in the horizon. Reece Squad train in my home area, Ruiru. You can come and say hi, your security is guaranteed by those commandos. Did you hear what they were about to accomplish at #westgatesiege(KDF came in) or their accomplishment at the #GarissaTerrorAttack? Our boys are highly trained, maybe not as your own Secret Service, but equal to task. Okay, am not here to compare their skills/expertise. They all do great jobs in line of duty. Your kinsmen from Kogelo asked for new shoes. Cool. I hope you already sent a Ship to deliver the shoes to the port of Mombasa. If you find it possible, bring me a selfie stick. Yes. Jus that. Finally, we are Africans, and we know about Adam & Eve and the story about Sodom & Gomorrah, thank to Wazungus who brought Bibles to our great grandparents. We didn't hear of Adam & Steve. So, let us not speak of that during your visit. I hope you'll enjoy your visit home, and when you visit any Animal Orphanage , kindly adopt an Elephant. Safe flight to Kenya, Wuod Obama! I have seen your amazing Bell Boeing Osprey copters have finally landed at the Kenyatta University main campus grounds.
They have made K.U their temporary base, or so I think. I have also seen one of your official choppers, which means that you'll definitely use Thika Superhighway (but past Kahawa Barracks, don't use the exit to Kahawa sukari. There's always this nasty traffic jam. Instead, just go over the Engen fly over, and immediately after it, you'll find the service Lane joining the highway. Make a U turn there and come back to the service Lane and head to your chopper at K.U) While at K.U grounds before boarding your chopper, come to Ruiru town-it's only 3km-and there, I'll finally meet you, and receive the selfie stick I asked of. I know a couple of my friends who would love to have one for themselves, so please, bring me ten. They'll fetch a good price(See, I have this entrepreneurial mind, aren't you coming for the GES Summit? I'll make a good entrepreneur, right? #TeamEnterprise) Looking forward to seeing you again.
PS: Bring Jack Daniels with you,my President ordered the total wipe out of those little cheap drinks. Tutakula nyama Choma pale Kamakis.
Signed
Wuod Karuri.
Like most of my countrymen, am equally excited that a sitting USA President, a son of Kenya is visiting my Motherland, the land of his Father. You are finally coming home to a heroes welcome. Well, I noticed Among your motorcade that were flown in prior to your arrival, there was a US Marines tanker. Well. Kenya is not at war your Excellency, President of most powerful country and son of Kogelo. You are only coming home again. Anyway, we still welcome you home. But there are some crybabies I need you to be wary of. The are called CORD triplets or we know them by country slang as 'Cordoo'. There's vitendawili guy, who's Barber wao, there's a watermelon and this guy who ate Tokyo Embassy money and just a few months ago, he was on newspaper headlines for stealing someone's wife(that is none of my business though). Anyway, that's not the reason why am writing you this, your Excellency. See, we welcome you as a Kenyan, and we would like you to be in our shoes on this concern:Most businesses will come to a standstill when you are finally home. The airports, Traffic on major roads within Nairobi and communication systems will be 'suspended'. Reason? You are around. So, on behalf of my fellow Kenyans, and noting you have Kenyan blood running in your veins, kindly let us enjoy at least the latter; communication. In the spirit of brotherhood. Yes I know you can. Let the CCK authorities hear it from you that yo brothers need communication. Well, Flights and vehicles are not my thing yet. They are luxuries. But i own a smartphone and being in the dark especially off Internet during those days you'll be around will be equal to being locked down a hole/cage not knowing what's happening outside. You feel me, right. Well. I also heard you'll speak to thousands of Kenyans at Kasarani stadium or so. If that's true, Kiambu County is in the horizon. Reece Squad train in my home area, Ruiru. You can come and say hi, your security is guaranteed by those commandos. Did you hear what they were about to accomplish at #westgatesiege(KDF came in) or their accomplishment at the #GarissaTerrorAttack? Our boys are highly trained, maybe not as your own Secret Service, but equal to task. Okay, am not here to compare their skills/expertise. They all do great jobs in line of duty. Your kinsmen from Kogelo asked for new shoes. Cool. I hope you already sent a Ship to deliver the shoes to the port of Mombasa. If you find it possible, bring me a selfie stick. Yes. Jus that. Finally, we are Africans, and we know about Adam & Eve and the story about Sodom & Gomorrah, thank to Wazungus who brought Bibles to our great grandparents. We didn't hear of Adam & Steve. So, let us not speak of that during your visit. I hope you'll enjoy your visit home, and when you visit any Animal Orphanage , kindly adopt an Elephant. Safe flight to Kenya, Wuod Obama! I have seen your amazing Bell Boeing Osprey copters have finally landed at the Kenyatta University main campus grounds.
They have made K.U their temporary base, or so I think. I have also seen one of your official choppers, which means that you'll definitely use Thika Superhighway (but past Kahawa Barracks, don't use the exit to Kahawa sukari. There's always this nasty traffic jam. Instead, just go over the Engen fly over, and immediately after it, you'll find the service Lane joining the highway. Make a U turn there and come back to the service Lane and head to your chopper at K.U) While at K.U grounds before boarding your chopper, come to Ruiru town-it's only 3km-and there, I'll finally meet you, and receive the selfie stick I asked of. I know a couple of my friends who would love to have one for themselves, so please, bring me ten. They'll fetch a good price(See, I have this entrepreneurial mind, aren't you coming for the GES Summit? I'll make a good entrepreneur, right? #TeamEnterprise) Looking forward to seeing you again.
PS: Bring Jack Daniels with you,my President ordered the total wipe out of those little cheap drinks. Tutakula nyama Choma pale Kamakis.
Signed
Wuod Karuri.
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